


an only child of the universe

by Bonnie_Bug



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Gen, it can be either tos or aos it's rly vague tbh so choose ur fave spock and have fun, some sort of a character study I guess??, this ended up almost an au actually whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-04
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2019-03-12 20:04:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13554600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bonnie_Bug/pseuds/Bonnie_Bug
Summary: when spock rejected the vulcan science academy, he decided to attempt to get in touch with his human heritage for the first time since he was a very young child(he wasn’t sure if it would go any better than his attempts to conform to his vulcan heritage, but surely it couldn’t be much worse)





	an only child of the universe

**Author's Note:**

> based on a headcanon prompt by insane-sociopath [on tumblr](http://bonnie-bug.tumblr.com/post/170507702641/headcaaanooooon-when-spock-gives-the-metaphorical)

when spock rejected the vulcan science academy (when they rejected his mother) (when they _insulted_ his mother) (when he’d finally had enough of their hypocritical xenophobia) (they could despise him all they wanted, but to do the same to his mother was unforgivable), he decided to attempt to get in touch with his human heritage for the first time since he was a very young child

(he wasn’t sure if it would go any better than his attempts to conform to his vulcan heritage, but surely it couldn’t be much worse)

the first thing he did once he arrived on earth (well, the first thing after securing a place of temporary residence until his official enrollment into starfleet academy) was to consult a dictionary of current human slang and idioms. he knew from his mother that humans had a unique (illogical) (but look at how adhering to pure logic had treated him thus far) way of speaking and communicating, and it wouldn’t do to be endlessly confused by the very society he was trying to become a part of

the second thing that he did was to procure a new wardrobe of suitable human-style clothing. he didn’t have a surplus of credits available for his use (in fact it was quite the opposite), but he located a secondhand store and was able to purchase two sets of denim trousers and a number of short-sleeved shirts with various images and slogans printed on their fronts, in addition to a large hooded “sweatshirt” made of soft hunter-green cotton and a black synth-leather jacket

(san francisco might be on the warmer side compared to some areas of america, but he was a desert-dwelling creature and thus unused to the relative perpetual chill in the air) (he would likely always be moderately uncomfortable with the ambient temperature the majority of humanity preferred, but it was a mild inconvenience compared to what he left behind) (it was easy to simply put on another layer or two of clothing when he became chilled — it was impossible to change his very genes)

the third thing wasn’t so much something he _did_ as something he… didn’t do. for the first time in his life he allowed his hair to grow out of its traditional vulcan cut, until it became shaggy and unkempt (well, unkempt by vulcan standards) (but he wasn’t following vulcan standards anymore, was he)

the fourth thing he did was to loosen the controls over his emotions. he didn’t remove his controls completely (there was a biological precedent behind vulcans suppressing all but the shallowest of emotions) (vulcan emotions burned fiercely and ruthlessly) (even the cool waters of his humanity could only dampen the fires of his emotions so much), but he did allow his feelings to rise to the surface with more freedom than before

if there was one thing that defined humanity, it was their freedom of emotion, and if he wanted to truly connect with his human side, he needed to allow himself to at least attempt to reach that level of emotional expression (or at least as close as he could get without it becoming dangerous to his health and the health of those around him)

it was difficult, those first few weeks after he loosened his emotional controls — he was alone for the first time on a strange new planet (regardless of his biological background, it was strange and new to him) (the boy who’d grown up on a dry, red desert of a planet, now thrust onto a damp, green oasis teeming with life) (honestly, the sheer levels of water and plant life around him was one of the hardest things to get used to) (that, and the moon above, heavy and silver and shining at night) (he would almost swear he could feel its gravitational pull if the idea wasn’t insanely illogical) (but then again, what was he doing if not wholeheartedly embracing the illogical), struggling to survive without the meager support system he’d had at home, in addition to having wrangle with his newly heightened emotions without overreacting to everything that saddened (disheartened, _depressed)_ , irritated (angered, _infuriated)_ , or pleased (delighted, _elated)_ him

eventually he found a middle ground between suppressing the barest hint of any emotion whatsoever and letting them run rampant, an equilibrium he could easily maintain day-to-day, even if it would never exactly come naturally to him (seventeen years of habit could never be completely undone in a few short weeks) (they likely would never become truly undone, but with practice it would become easier)

his knew his father would be severely disappointed in him if he could see what he’d become (scruffy-haired and perpetually stubbled) (wearing wrinkled graphic tees printed with illogical jokes and inane cartoon images) (using human slang and incomprehensible idioms) (freely expressing any emotion that came to him without first dissecting it in a million ways and ultimately casting it aside anyway) (the very antithesis of a proper vulcan in every way)

he hoped his mother would be proud

(hope was highly illogical)

(but it was very human)


End file.
